


The World’s Greatest First Love

by annie1017



Series: Black & White verse [3]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-14
Updated: 2016-03-14
Packaged: 2018-05-26 07:38:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6229471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annie1017/pseuds/annie1017
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[Sekai-ichi-hatsukoi!au]  “The first stab of love is like a sunset, a blaze of color - oranges, pearly pinks, vibrant purples...” -Anna Godbersen</p>
            </blockquote>





	The World’s Greatest First Love

Yixing’s favorite book has always been _This Side of Paradise_ by F. Scott Fitzgerald. Although Oscar Wilde’s _The Picture of Dorian Gray_ and the works of Dickens, Steinbeck, and Shakespeare also ranked high in his personal literary canon, it was the tale of Amory that tugged most at his heartstrings. He loved the blend of narrative and free verse, and is fascinated by Amory’s failed relationship with Rosalind and his quest for self-knowledge and fulfillment.  
  
  
  
Or maybe, Yixing saw parallels in his own life, but that was a chapter of his life that he has closed off for good.  
  
  
  
Yixing harbored a deep appreciation for literature because he was raised around books. Literally. His father, Zhang Zhen, was the president and CEO of ZED Publishings, a company that regularly released magazines every month, literary, as well as entertainment.  
  
  
  
However, it was also because of his father’s position that Yixing had decided to quit.  
  
  
  
The catalyst for his recent chance of employment was the whispers of a co-worker whom Yixing had considered a friend. _“He’s only a top editor because of his father. He has no talent; why is he getting all the best authors? God, I’m only nice to him to suck up to President Zhang.”_  
  
  
  
However, that was all over and done with.  
  
  
  
Today, Yixing would start his new job as an editor for ExoZine Publications, Inc. He had a good feeling about this place, Yixing thought, as he paused outside of the building to look up, up, up at the tall, fifteen story monstrosity. This was his chance to really prove himself, without his father’s name and status bolstering him and to make a name for himself as an editor of great literature.  
  
  
  
The lobby of ExoZine was spacious and marbled lined. Yixing’s heels clacked in time to the mellow piano music that drifted over the speakers as he made his way to the front desk. The man behind the receptionist’ desk looked to be about twenty or twenty one years old, and had the nametag ‘Oh Sehun: intern’ attached to his shirt. He greeted Yixing with a bright smile and bow as Yixing approached.  
  
  
  
“Do you have an appointment?” Sehun asked, politely.  
  
  
  
“My name is Zhang Lay,” Yixing replied, switching over to his professional work name. “I’m scheduled to start work here today, as an editor.”  
  
  
  
Sehun nodded, and his fingers flew over the keyboard quickly. A moment later, he brightened. “Ah, yes, Mr. Zhang, welcome to ExoZine.”  
  
  
  
“Thank you,” Yixing said, already feeling better about his new beginning.  
  
  
  
“Here is your ID card and name tag,” Sehun continued, pulling a lanyard out from under the counter. “You can head up to the fourteenth floor, Sapphire manga department.”  
  
  
  
_Sapphire…manga?_  
  
  
  
“I think there has been a mistake,” Yixing replied, nervously. “I used to edit literature at my old position.”  
  
  
  
Sehun checked again, but shook his head. “It says Sapphire shojo manga, right here,” he said, turning his computer screen around.  
  
  
  
Yixing took a look for himself, and saw the writing in fuchsia pink. _Sapphire Department: shojo manga associate editor._ For a moment, the lobby seemed to sway, and Yixing clenched his fists tightly by his sides.  
  
  
  
“But I edit literature,” Yixing repeated, dumbly. “I don’t know anything about manga. I can’t – ”  
  
  
  
“Fourteenth floor, Zhang Lay,” Sehun replied, patting him consolingly on the shoulder. “Ask for the editor-in-chief, Kris, and you can discuss transfers with him.”  
  
  
  
Yixing accepted defeat, and blindly headed toward the elevators, almost crashing into a tall potted plant. Could this have been a mistake? Or had he, top editor of best-selling novelists, just been stuck in the shojo manga department of ExoZine that published monthly magazines about love for hormonal teenage girls?  
  
  
  
Yixing almost laughed at the irony, the fact he, the most cynical person in the world, now worked with manga. He knew, from experience, that love was very different from the stories in those drawings.  
  
  
  
_There are no such things as happy endings._  
  
  
  
The elevator itself had glass walls and flooring, and Yixing peeked over the side as it started to move up, watching the lobby disappear from sight. He kind of wanted to pitch himself off the side because anything but manga please. Then, he was facing nothing but concrete and darkness.  
  
  
  
The doors pinged open on the fourteenth floor, and Yixing stepped forward, still deep in thought. He crashed into another body and almost toppled over, but caught himself, and the other guy, just in time.  
  
  
  
“I’m so sorry about that,” Yixing said immediately, bowing at the man he had just almost knocked over. “I should have been paying more attention to my surroundings. Are you okay?”  
  
  
  
The man nodded, and gave him a curious look. He was short, and had a slim build, with brown hair and big, warm eyes. His sweater vest was neatly pressed, and he had a pen sticking out of the front breast pocket. “I’m fine,” the man replied, straightening his bowtie. “Are you new?”  
  
  
  
“Today is my first day working here,” Yixing nodded. “I am looking for the editor-in-chief of the Sapphire department.”  
  
  
  
“Ah, I can show you the way,” the man replied, smiling finally. “My name is Do Kyungsoo. I work in a different department on this floor, with photobooks, documentaries, and travel magazines.”  
  
  
  
“Thank you,” Yixing said, following the shorter man down a hallway. “My name is Lay, and I just transferred here from ZED Publishings. Is the editor-in-chief of Sapphire easy to get along with? See, I used to edit literature back at ZED, and I don’t feel very comfortable with manga.”  
  
  
  
Yixing also thought that editing manga is child’s play. Literature is made to be read by well-educated, intelligent citizens; manga is made for naïve girls who still believed in Prince Charming.  
  
  
  
Yixing, however, decided to keep that bit to himself.  
  
  
  
“Oh, he’s a bit grouchy sometimes but overall, he’s a nice guy and a great editor-in-chief,” Kyungsoo replied, shrugging. “The manga department was really struggling before he started here, but since then, it’s been one of ExoZine’s most profitable revenues.”  
  
  
  
Kyungsoo rounded the corner, and froze, nose wrinkling in disgust. “Shit, I forgot what time of the month it was.”  
  
  
  
Yixing peeked over the man’s shoulder and almost wanted to cry. The room was large, with a mahogany desk and spinny chair at the end. There were several spacious cubicles in the room, divided by low, clear plastic windows.  
  
  
  
_But the mess._  
  
  
  
Fast food wrappers, leftover french fries, crumpled papers, and other unrecognizable object littered the tables. Stacks of papers were stacked precariously, as if one little blow would knock them all over.  
  
  
  
There were four guys at the cubicles, all in various states of unkempt. A tall man with dark hair had dark circles and blood shot eyes, as well as a shadow that was well past 5 o'clock. Another with a round face and brown hair was chugging down another cup of coffee, even as his eyes drooped. The other two were dead sleep, planted face down on their desks.  
  
  
  
“Oh, wow,” Yixing muttered, distressed.  
  
  
  
_Were these to be his co-workers? In this dump?_  
  
  
  
“Um, they’re not always like this,” Kyungsoo replied, guiltily. “Today is just the end of the cycle. Uh, the editor-in-chief is at the desk in the back. I’ve gotta get back to…” Trailing off, Kyungsoo backed carefully out of the office.  
  
  
  
Yixing stood for a moment, staring at the mess in front of him, before chasing after Kyungsoo back down the hall. “Wait, Kyungsoo!” Yixing called, catching up easily. “What do you mean, the end of the cycle?”  
  
  
  
“Sapphire, the manga magazine, works on a 27 day schedule called the cycle,” Kyungsoo replied, as he got into the waiting elevator. “Just go talk to Kris, and he’ll explain everything. Although,” he paused, considering, “today probably won’t be the best day to ask about a transfer.”  
  
  
  
Then, the elevator door closed and Yixing was left alone.  
  
  
  
Slowly, Yixing made his way back to the Sapphire office. He had to step over some empty boxes of takeout noodles and fallen pens to enter the room, but slowly approached the desk in the back.  
  
  
  
The editor-in-chief had his arms folded on the desk in front of him, and his head in his arms. All Yixing saw was a mop of blond hair, and a long, pale neck.  
  
  
  
Yixing coughed, hoping that this “Kris Wu” person, according to the name plate, wasn’t asleep.  
  
  
  
Kris’ head snapped up to full alertness, and he glared at Yixing. _Didn’t Kyungsoo say that he was easy to get along with?_ Yixing only saw intense eyes and an unfriendly attitude. The man was handsome, and looked as if he had stepped out of a manga strip himself, with sharp cheekbones, a high nose, thin lips, and almond shaped eyes.  
  
  
  
“I’m Zhang Lay,” Yixing said as a way of greeting. “I’m the new associate editor, I guess.”  
  
  
  
“You guess?” Kris scoffed, and sat up in his chair.  
  
  
  
“I would prefer literature, of course. I edited literature at my old company.”  
  
  
  
Kris eyed him over, then rolled his eyes. “Useless,” he muttered. “You’re just scared to step out of your comfort zone.”  
  
  
  
Yixing heard him, but pretended not to. _Kyungsoo had lied; Kris was not ‘nice’ at all._  
  
  
  
“Is there any way I could possibly transfer? Manga really is not my field of expertise...”  
  
  
  
“Not within three months,” Kris replied, matter-of-factly. He got up to his feet, and for a moment, Yixing forgot how to breathe. The man towered over him, very much like the way he, the boy who had broken his heart all those years ago, used to.  
  
  
  
“Three months?” Yixing repeated, stalling for time as he attempted to clear his mind.  
  
  
  
“Yep, so your desk is going to be the one over there,” Kris said, pointing to an area covered with scraps of drawings and typesetting. “You can go home for now, and start work tomorrow at the beginning of the cycle.”  
  
  
  
Without another word, Kris put his head back down onto the desk.  
  
  
  
Yixing glanced around at the dump again, and sighed. As he left the room, Yixing noticed that all five members were already asleep.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Yixing dreaded going back to work. Between having to face his unfriendly boss who had called him useless and having to work in that dump of an office, things did not look bright. However, he told himself that he needs to act like an adult, and face his problems, no matter how unpleasant.  
  
  
  
He turned the corner into the office, eyes glued to his shoes and fearing the worst.  
  
  
  
“Lay, right? New guy?” The voice was cheery, and did not sound like it could have emanated from any of the co-works he had seen yesterday. Yixing looked up, and was almost blinded by blond hair and white teeth.  
  
  
  
“Um…”  
  
  
  
“I’m Lu Han,” the man replied, bouncing up to shake his hand. The lines around his eyes suggested that he wasn’t nearly as young as he looked, but he still had a baby face. “Sorry I didn’t have the chance to welcome you properly yesterday!”  
  
  
  
Yixing turned his head slowly and looked around the office.  
  
  
  
_What the hell?_  
  
  
  
It looked like an entirely different place. The mess had been cleaned up, takeout boxes all disposed of. The stacks of paper had been filed into binders that were piled into a single box in the corner, and there were pink, pink banners and stuffed toys everywhere.  
  
  
  
Even the people looked completely different.  
  
  
  
The tan man with the dark hair stilled had dark eye circles, but had shaved, and was waving from his desk. The one that had been chugging coffee the day before was now sitting on his desk, happily in conversation with the last occupant of the office, a man with sharp cheekbones and an angular face.  
  
  
  
“Is this…”  
  
  
  
“Sapphire manga department,” Lu Han finished. “You kind of came at a bad day before. Anyway, the one over there waving is Huang Zitao, but you can just call him Tao. The other two are Xiumin and Chen. Welcome!”  
  
  
  
Yixing realized that Lu Han, as well as the others, were all extremely attractive. He quickly blinked the thought away, because Zhang Yixing doesn’t believe in love.  
  
  
  
“Why is there…” Yixing pointed around at all the pink but failed to form a coherent sentence.  
  
  
  
“Well, shojo manga is all about love and romance, so we, as editors, feel like this is the best way to tap into that emotion,” Lu Han replied, picking up a hot pink stuffed animal.  
  
  
  
“It’s Lu Han’s idea and he won’t stop decorating even though we ask him to,” Chen said, rolling his eyes.  
  
  
  
Lu Han threw the bear across the room, and tagged Chen on the side of the face. As the man started to fire another stuffed animal back, Yixing ducked around Lu Han, and quietly slunk to his new desk, where the nameplate read: Zhang Lei.  
  
  
  
_Zhang Lei?_  
  
  
  
With a heavy sigh, Yixing picked it up and approached the editor-in-chief, who was reading a stack of papers quietly at his desk. Kris was looking refreshed, and even more devastatingly handsome.  
  
  
  
“What?” Kris asked, rather rudely, as he stepped up.  
  
  
  
“My name is spelled wrong,” Yixing answered.  
  
  
  
“Zhang Lei? What’s wrong with it? That’s what you said your name was, after all.”  
  
  
  
“Did you even look at my file?” Yixing asked, exasperated. “Zhang Lay, as in L-A-Y.”  
  
  
  
Kris rolled his eyes and let out a derisive laugh. “That’s stupid,” he barked.  
  
  
  
Yixing flailed for a retort, and blurted the first thing that came to mind. “You’re stupid.”  
  
  
  
The room suddenly fell silent, and Chen put down the stuffed bunny he had almost launched.  
  
  
  
“Um…” Lu Han vaulted over a chair and situated himself nervously between Yixing and Kris. “Can we talk this out? There’s no need for name-calling, right? We’re all - ”  
  
  
  
“I’ll get the nameplate fixed tomorrow,” Kris interrupted, waving Lu Han away.  
  
  
  
As the others all settled back into their seats, Yixing shot Kris a curious look, wondering why he had backed down so easily.  
  
  
  
“You have spunk, kid,” Kris muttered, wryly. “You remind me of someone that I used to know.”  
  
  
  
Yixing watched in amazement as an actual smile spread over his boss’ face.  
  
  
  
Scary.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
_The roof was silent and empty, with the exception of two boys, sitting side to side, feet dangling over the edge of the building. It was the tallest building in the residential neighborhood, and it gave them a birdseye view of the goings on below.  
  
  
  
Yixing was wrapped up in a warm cardigan, carrying in his hands a worn copy of 1984.  
  
  
  
“Xuezhang, have you ever read this book?”  
  
  
  
The taller boy glanced over and sighed. “I thought I told you not to call me that. Just my name, okay?”  
  
  
  
“Okay, but…this book…?”  
  
  
  
With a disinterested shrug, the taller leaned forward, eyes glinting. “Yixing, I’m trying to kiss you; please put down that book now.”_  
  
  
  
  
  
Yixing woke with his heart pounding out of his chest. The dream had been too real, way too real. He looked over, and saw that it was 3:30AM. With a groan, he flopped back into bed and burrowed into his blankets. This was only his fourth week working at ExoZine, and he had found that the dreams had increased ten-fold since.  
  
  
  
“Stupid Lu Han and his stupid get-in-the-romantic-mood activities,” Yixing grumbled. The pink room was rubbing off on him, bringing back memories that he had worked so hard to repress.  
  
  
  
Yixing, however, was experiencing his first cycle. The first week was the same, with cheery Lu Han, Tao, Chen, and Xiumin joking around and messing with each other. Then, as the days went on, everything got considering messier and more somber as deadline approached.  
  
  
  
Today was day 26 of the cycle, and the office looked like it was in the middle of the apocalypse.  
  
  
  
“Luna called and said that she’s behind on schedule,” Lu Han moaned, banging his forehead against his desk. His hair was sticking up in ten directions, and dark circles surrounded his tired eyes.  
  
  
  
“She has the flu,” Chen confirmed, not looking much better. His shirt was sporting a giant coffee stain, and the buttons didn’t exactly match up.  
  
  
  
“But don’t we go to print tomorrow morning?” Yixing rasped. He, too, looked much for the worse. Considering how they were supposed to get the manuscript to printing in less than 26 hours and they were still missing their biggest piece, he understood the stress of the cycle fully. “What are we going to do about those pages?”  
  
  
  
“Goddamnnit, Luna should know better; she’s a veteran!” Kris’ hands slammed into his desk and he stood up, knocking the chair over in his haste to stand up.  
  
  
  
“Um…boss?”  
  
  
  
“I’m going to go sort it out,” Kris replied, waving Tao’s questions away. “Finish everything else, and leave the manuscript complete except for the missing pages.” He turned, and picked up his coat from the back of his chair. “And you,” he added, pointing at Yixing. “Lay, come with me.”  
  
  
  
“Me?” Yixing repeated, bewildered.  
  
  
  
“Yes, you,” Kris mocked. “You don’t know enough yet to be of any help here, and I don’t want you distracting the others.”  
  
  
  
_Don’t know enough to be of any help here?_  
  
  
  
Yixing flinched, but did as he was told.  
  
  
  
“Don’t we have a bank of filler manga strips somewhere?” Yixing asked as the elevator took them down to the lobby. “Surely, one of them is good enough to use.”  
  
  
  
“’Good enough’?” Kris ground his teeth, glaring at Yixing. “I only accept spectacular.” His angry eyes alerted Yixing to danger, so the smaller boy kept quiet in the taxi ride across town.  
  
  
  
Luna, one of the most popular mangakas under the Sapphire Department, worked out of her spacious home. Yixing trailed Kris as the taller man took the steps three at a time and pounded on the door.  
  
  
  
“There’s a doorbell,” Yixing said.  
  
  
  
Kris just shot him a look and continued knocking rudely.  
  
  
  
The door was opened by a harassed looking guy, who let Kris in without a short glance. “My sister is in the living room.”  
  
  
  
Yixing looked around and saw a lone blond girl sitting in a corner, huddled in a warm blanket, lying face down next to a cup of warm tea.  
  
  
  
“Luna!”  
  
  
  
The girl jerked up at the found of Kris’ voice and looked absolutely terrified. Her eyes were bloodshot and tired looking, and she sniffed, letting out a small sneeze.  
  
  
  
“Kris, I’m dying,” she groaned, flopping back down onto the table.  
  
  
  
“How much do you have left?” Kris asked, ignoring her statement.  
  
  
  
Luna just looked at him, helplessly, and did not answer. Kris understood the meaning behind her silence.  
  
  
  
“Look, you’re a veteran, Luna,” Kris barked angrily. “I returned the manuscript to you for editing, what, over a week ago. You know better than to have left it until the last minute.”  
  
  
  
Luna’s light brown eyes were filling up with tears, and Yixing was horrified at Kris’ harsh tone toward her. She was even younger than them, and not to mention, probably had a bad case of the flu.  
  
  
  
“I planned on getting it done, but…I just - ”  
  
  
  
“I don’t want excuses, Luna, I want results. I want - ”  
  
  
  
“ - I’ll help,” Yixing interrupted, breaking Kris’ tirade. Luna looked as if she was about to cry, and Yixing hurried to finish his offer. “I don’t know much about manga, but I am a decent artist. I can draw the backgrounds for you.”  
  
  
  
“That would save me a lot of time,” Luna replied, sitting up straighter.  
  
  
  
“Kris will work on the dialogue,” Yixing added. “If we all work at the same time, we can make the deadline.” He expected Kris to blow a gasket about overtaking his authority, but to his surprise, Kris merely sat down and pulled a stack of finished panels towards himself.  
  
  
  
The work was tedious, and Yixing found himself drawing the same bakery, school, and bedroom background over and over again for the scenes. Kris worked silently across the room, and Luna hunches over, sketching away. They worked all afternoon, and consequently, all night. The sun was just peeking into the room when Luna put down her pencil and stretched, handing the last panel sketch over to Kris.  
  
  
  
“We did it,” she muttered, stumbling to her feet and rubbing her eyes. “Please excuse me, but I need to go to sleep. Let yourself out, and please lock the door on your way.”  
  
  
  
Yixing stretched as well, then curled into a ball on the sofa. “Are all the cycles like this?” he asked, eyes closed.  
  
  
  
“Not always,” Kris chuckled, hauling Yixing to his feet. “Let’s get back to the office, so I can get this to printing first thing.”  
  
  
  
The ride back to the office was silent, and Yixing fought sleep. The office itself was an even bigger dump than before they left. New fast food bags lay scattered over the tables, but on Kris’ desk, front and center, was the manuscript sans Luna’s portion. As Kris started shuffling through the papers, Yixing slumped down on the couch and dropped his head between his knees.  
  
  
  
_So, this was day 27, huh?_  
  
  
  
Yixing dozed off for a moment and was startled back to reality by a cold can of cola being pressed against face. Yixing jumped, but took the drink as Kris sat down next to him.  
  
  
  
“You did well,” Kris said.  
  
  
  
Yixing raised an eyebrow. Was that a compliment? From Kris?  
  
  
  
“What? You did.”  
  
  
  
“Well, you were kind of an asshole,” Yixing blurted.  
  
  
  
Kris just looked at him and gave him a wry smile. “The atmosphere has changed, but you’re as straightforward as ever, aren’t you?”  
  
  
  
“What are you talking about?” Yixing asked curiously.  
  
  
  
“I finally read your file, Zhang Yixing,” Kris replied. Vaguely, almost four weeks ago, Yixing remembered berating Kris for not reading his file. But how is that relevant now?  
  
  
  
“That’s my real name, but I use Lay for work. What’s the problem?” he asked, confused.  
  
  
  
Kris paused, and put down his coke can on the table.  
  
  
  
“Maybe you’ll remember if I do this,” he said, leaning forward and crushing his lips to Yixing’s.  
  
  
  
Yixing was frozen in shock, too surprised to even struggle. Kris’ body was pressing him against the side of the couch and _his boss was kissing him_.  
  
  
  
“What are you doing?” he asked numbly when Kris pulled away.  
  
  
  
Kris laughed sardonically and shook his head, “To you, was it just a joke? You did say you loved me, right?”  
  
  
  
“What?” Yixing’s frown deepened. What was he talking about?  
  
  
  
“If it helps, I went by a different name back in high school, before my parents got divorced and I went overseas with my dad. My name used to be Yifan. Wu Yifan.” Kris got up, and ran a hand through his hair. “I’m going to deliver the printing now; try to remember in the meantime.”  
  
  
  
Yifan…Wu…Yifan…?  
  
  
  
  
_Yixing loved having the last period of the day as a free period. He usually spent it in the library, studying and doing homework. Okay, that was a lie. He spent it in the library, watching the tall, handsome senior who always sat at the same place by the window.  
  
  
  
The guy had a name that Yixing knew quite well; in fact, it was a name that everyone knew quite well, because Wu Yifan was the star player of the basketball team. Just that year, he had led the team to the regional championships as the captain, a feat that had never been accomplished before at the school.  
  
  
  
Yixing wasn’t sure when the crush started, but it hit him like a bullet train when he realized it. Something about the senior, other than his obvious good looks, drew Yixing to him, captivated him, even. But as an underclassman, Yixing never dared to approach his Xuezhang.  
  
  
  
He was sitting at a corner table, doodling fire-breathing dragons when he saw a shadow fall over his paper. Yixing looked up and almost forgot to breath, because was him; it was Wu Yifan.  
  
  
  
“Um, hi,” he squeaked, nervously.  
  
  
  
“Do you mind if I take this book?”  
  
  
  
Yixing looked down and saw the book he had picked up his way in. Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing.  
  
  
  
“Sure, take it!” Yixing replied, and practically shoving the book at the tall senior.  
  
  
  
Yifan stood there for a moment, eyes twinkling, before pulling out a chair at Yixing’s table. “I think I’ll sit with you today, if you don’t mind. Do you?”  
  
  
  
Yixing shook his head numbly, and quickly looked down again to hide his blush.  
  
  
  
“Cute.”  
  
  
  
“What?”  
  
  
  
“Cute. I said your blush is cute.”_  
  
  
  
  
  
Yixing remembered. Or, rather, he never forgot, as much as he had tried.  
  
  
  
When Yixing was 16 years old, he had fallen in love with a certain senior by the name of Wu Yifan, who loved basketball, Kang Shifu noodles, and Starcraft. When Yixing was 16 years old, he had also experienced his first love, first relationship, his first everything. But then - but then -  
  
  
  
Yixing sprung to his feet and charged after Kris, finding him waiting for the elevators at the end of the hall.  
  
  
  
“Hey! Stop right there! You think you can just drop information like that on me and just leave? You have some nerve, Wu Yifan,” he growled.  
  
  
  
“Why are you the one mad at me?” Kris shot back, eyes hard. “You dumped me, remember?”  
  
  
  
“I dumped you?” Yixing repeated derisively. “Why exactly did you, a popular senior, bother with an underclassman like me all those years ago? I knew it was just to mess with me, just so you had something to do. Hell, you were graduating and moving to Canada; did you ever even plan on telling me? You played with my feelings, which were sincere.” His hands clenched into fists by his side, and Yixing had to calm himself. _Breathe in; breathe out._  
  
  
  
“Who told you that?” Kris barked, rounding on him.  
  
  
  
“Your friend on the basketball team, the one with the killer free throw.”  
  
  
  
“That guy hated me, Yixing,” Kris interrupted. “He was angry that I got the captain position over him.”  
  
  
  
The elevator door pinged open, and Kris got in, shaking his head in disbelief.  
  
  
  
Yixing shivered at hearing Kris say his name, but shook it away, following the taller man into the elevator. “Don’t deny it. The last time that I was at your house, I saw the plane tickets on your bookshelf. Canada, dammit. I asked you if you loved me, remember? You laughed.”  
  
  
  
“I did not laugh! You kicked me and disappeared!” Kris’ face was turning white with anger, and he jabbed at the lobby bottom, on the elevator’s panel.  
  
  
  
“You deserved it.”  
  
  
  
“My parents were moving to Canada, and they wanted me to go with them, but I was going to stay, you know? For you,” Kris said, finally turning to look at Yixing. “Dammit, he was always so jealous of me. I had no idea he would…but then…”  
  
  
  
“But then?”  
  
  
  
Kris fell silent and his nostrils flared briefly. “Nothing. I didn’t have anything holding me back to stay, so I went to Canada.”  
  
  
  
Yixing shook his head and growled, “If I’d known you were Wu Yifan, I would have quit on the spot.”  
  
  
  
“Is that how you really feel?” Kris countered. He took a long took at Yixing, and sighed. “I wasn’t able to forget, Yixing, so I’m going to make you love me again.”  
  
  
  
_And suffer all that heartbreak over again?_  
  
  
  
“Fat chance.”  
  
  
  
At that moment, the elevator reached the lobby and opened to reveal Kyungsoo chatting with a tall, curly haired man. He had his arms full with copies of some glossy book, but juggled a cup of Starbucks in his hand.  
  
  
  
“Kris,” he said, noticing the two men standing tense in front of him, “it’s too early in the morning for you to be this angry”  
  
  
  
“Shut up and give me your coffee,” Kris demanded. Kyungsoo jumped out of his grasp, and Kris sighed.  
  
  
  
“You can have mine,” the other man replied laughing. “Mocha frap, just the way you like it.” He handed over his Starbucks cup, and Kris accepted it gratefully.  
  
  
  
“Thanks, Chanyeol.”  
  
  
  
“Who’s this?” the man asked, glancing curiously around at Yixing.  
  
  
  
Kris glanced over his shoulder, as if just remembering Yixing’s presence. “Oh, this is Yixing. I was telling you about him, remember?”  
  
  
  
“Oh, Yixing.” Chanyeol’s gaze darkened at that. Then, the moment was gone, and an even bigger smile appeared over his face. “I’m Park Chanyeol,” he said, holding out a hand. “I’m Kris’ boyfriend.”  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Yixing saw a lot of reds and greens. Work had occasionally become sexual harassment, much to Chen’s amusement, but mostly, he was angry because his jerk boss already had a boyfriend but was still constantly trying to win him back.  
  
  
  
What kind of man blatantly flirted with other men while already dating someone? Apparently, Kris.  
  
  
  
Yixing made an effort to avoid any contact with Kris than that required to complete his job, and pretended to avoid the hurt look in Kris’ eyes.  
  
  
  
Although he had submitted his request for a transfer to the literature department, he was no longer sure if he wanted to leave Sapphire.  
  
  
  
His co-workers in the manga department had quickly become his favorite people in the world. From Xiumin, who never stopped snacking, to Lu Han, the 25 year old man who looked to be in his late teens, Yixing loved them all, even Chen, who possessed a sarcastic, biting sense of humor and had a life goal of trolling the whole office.  
  
  
  
He had even grown accustomed to the pink walls and stuffed animals, and the girly perfume that Lu Han occasionally sprayed all over the place in an effort to get everyone “in the shojo mood.”  
  
  
  
Maybe, Yixing thought, he could get used to this.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Chanyeol, Yixing learned, worked for some entertainment label. ExoZine printed photobooks and CD inserts, so Chanyeol worked mostly with Kyungsoo in the other department. Chanyeol was a talent scout, and knew famous people like Changmin and Siwon and BoA. Chanyeol was intelligent, and a graduate of the same college as Kris. Chanyeol liked to volunteer at the animal clinic every month and donated regularly to charities. Basically, Chanyeol was a fucking saint.  
  
  
  
“They went to college together,” Kyungsoo replied, when Yixing asked about the relationship between Chanyeol and Kris. “I actually got to know Chanyeol through Kris, mainly. They were best friends even then.”  
  
  
  
Yixing saw Kyungsoo’s shifty eyes and knew that he was hiding something.  
  
  
  
“How long have they been dating?” he asked, trying to sound nonchalant.  
  
  
  
“Um…I try not to keep track?” Kyungsoo paused for a moment, then nods more enthusiastically. “I honestly have way more things to worry about myself. For example, it’s almost Chen’s birthday and I have no idea what to get him.”  
  
  
  
“Are you trying to change the subject?”  
  
  
  
“No, I’m trying to be a good friend. Come help me pick a present.”  
  
  
  
Yixing decided that Kyungsoo was most certainly trying to avoid the subject of Chanyeol and Kris. Either way, Yixing decided that he would never, ever, fall for Kris Wu’s charms again.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
_It was raining on the day after exams. Yixing stood under the awning in front of the math building, sighing. As if sitting through a 3 hour exam wasn’t brutal enough, he would probably also have to run home in the rain.  
  
  
  
“Xing?”  
  
  
  
The voice, Yifan’s voice, brought a shiver down Yixing’s back.  
  
  
  
“Xuezhang? You’re still here too?”  
  
  
  
“I said you don’t have to call me that, Xing,” Yifan chided. He was holding out an umbrella, and he smiled at the smaller boy. “Share?”  
  
  
  
“I – sure,” Yixing stuttered, blushing.  
  
  
  
Yifan just chuckled and reached for the smaller boy, tucking the underclassman under his arm so they could both be huddled under the protection of the umbrella.  
  
  
  
“Should I walk you home?” he mused, almost teasingly. “Or maybe you can stay over at my house tonight.”  
  
  
  
“Your-your house?”  
  
  
  
“My parents are both gone again,” he explained, eyes hardening. “My dad is in Canada, and my mom is…somewhere on a business trip. Actually, I think they just want to get as far away from each other as they can.”  
  
  
  
Yixing wondered for a moment how Yifan must feel, going home to an empty house every day, and frowned.  
  
  
  
“Do you get lonely?”  
  
  
  
“Sometimes,” Yifan replied. Then , he smiled, pulling Yixing closer. “It’s okay, because I have you now.”  
  
  
  
The two boys had were turning into Yifan’s neighborhood when they saw it; a box was sitting at the corner of the street, under an awning. The rain, slanted by the wind, had soaked half of the box, and a feeble meowing sound emanated weakly.  
  
  
  
“Is it…a stray?” Yifan asked, glancing at the box nervously.  
  
  
  
Yixing bent down and opened the lid, pulling out a little gray kitten.  
  
  
  
“I think it’s been abandoned,” Yixing replied, holding the car it. It snuggled into his hand, and Yixing felt his heart melting.  
  
  
  
“I don’t know how to take care of animals,” Yifan said immediately, seeing the look in Yixing’s eyes. “Hell, I can barely take care of myself, Xing. I live on ramen and toast when I’m hopeless alone.”  
  
  
  
“But we can’t just leave him here, in the cold and rain,” Yixing argued, pouting. He held the kitten up higher, pushing it toward Yifan’s face. “Look at it; please?”  
  
  
  
For a moment, Yifan silently ground his teeth, gaze switching back and force between the flailing cat and his boyfriend’s pouting face.  
  
  
  
“Fine, fine!” he finally exploded. “But you have to promise to help me take care of him!”  
  
  
  
Yixing’s eyes sparkled as he leaned up to kiss Yifan on the cheek, who sighed grudgingly and took the cat out of Yixing’s hands.  
  
  
  
“What are you going to name him?” Yixing asked as they started down the street again.  
  
  
  
“How about Xingxing?”_  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Yixing received a call from an unlikely source in October, and he was reluctant to even pick up. He did, however, after Chanyeol called for the third time. “Hello?” he answered tentatively.  
  
  
  
“Yixing, can we talk?” Chanyeol’s voice was calm, but something darker lurked underneath.  
  
  
  
“Um…sure?” Yixing replied, uncertainly. He and Chanyeol only knew each other on a superficial basis, through acquaintances, and they were certainly not the ‘let’s go grab lunch’ type of friends.  
  
  
  
“Meet me at the coffee shop in Hongdae, down the street from PL Entertainment, the one with the big red sign,” Chanyeol said.  
  
  
  
Yixing knew which place he was referring to and agreed to meet Chanyeol here in an hour. When he arrived, however, he found the taller man already there, tucked into a back booth next to a shorter man, who had a hood pulled low over his face. The two were sipping hot chocolates and casually holding hands on the table.  
  
  
  
“Uh….?”  
  
  
  
“Yixing, hi!” Chanyeol exclaimed, standing up upon noticing his presence. He coughed in mild embarrassment, and sat back down again. “There’s someone that I want you to meet. This is Baekhyun.”  
  
  
  
The man next to him peeked out from under his good and waved in greeting. Yixing recognized him immediately as a new singer who had recently taken the entertainment industry by storm.  
  
  
  
“Oh hey, I bought your CD,” he exclaimed, excitedly. “I first heard of you through Kyungsoo hyung, but you’re an amazing singer! But what…” he trailed off, staring at their intertwined hands.  
  
  
  
_What was going on?_  
  
  
  
“Yixing, I have something to confess to you,” Chanyeol sighed, hand tightening around Baekhyun’s. “Truthfully, Kris is not my boyfriend. I have actually never dated Kris at all; we were just college classmates. Baek is my boyfriend, right here.”  
  
  
  
Yixing’s brows knitted in confusion as he processed Chanyeol’s words. “Then why did you tell me - ”  
  
  
  
“I wanted to protect Kris,” Chanyeol interrupted. “He’s my best friend.”  
  
  
  
“From what?” Yixing asked. A feeling of dread washed over him, and Yixing suddenly wasn’t sure if he really wanted the answers to his questions.  
  
  
  
There was a beat of silence, during which Chanyeol exchanged glances with his boyfriend.  
  
  
  
“From you,” he answered, finally.  
  
  
  
“Why?” Yixing asked, taken back.  
  
  
  
Chanyeol shrugged, and let out a deep sigh. “You messed him up, Yixing,” he explained. “Kris was in Canada for a year after high school after his parents divorced, but then came back and entered college, where we meet. Then, a few months after he got back, his mother died. Did you know that? She was killed in a hit and run accident, and it all just got to be a little too much for him, between losing you and his mom.”  
  
  
  
Yixing’s mouth opened in shock as he processed Chanyeol’s words.  
  
  
  
“She – what?”  
  
  
  
Chanyeol nodded, sadly. “He had to deal with a lot of it by himself, and he went through a pretty hard time. I – I don’t want to go too much into it but he drank a lot and almost got kicked out of school. He stayed, though,” Chanyeol added, almost as an afterthought. “He sobered up and got his act together because he was hoping to find you again.”  
  
  
  
“Me? What do I have to do with anything?”  
  
  
  
“Only everything,” Chanyeol answered. His eyes softened, face taking on a look of nostalgia. “You might not realize it, Yixing, but back then, you were his everything. His parents were never there for him, but you were. When you just left the way you did…it really messed with his head. But even now, you’re still his whole world, because he never gave up hope and never stopped loving you.”  
  
  
  
Was he serious? Yixing racked his brains, trying to bring up memories of Kris’ advances from the past few weeks. Had he been hurt when Yixing avoided him and brushed him off? There the dark circles and tired eyes because of Yixing? Was he the one causing Kris anguish?  
  
  
  
“Kris gets really emotional on the day his mother dies, and it’s today,” Chanyeol added, letting go of Baekhyun’s hand in order to pat Yixing’s instead. “I’ve been calling him all day, but I don’t even know where he is. I just…hope you can pull your head out of your ass and fix him. I’ve come to realize that what he needs isn’t protection from you, but protection from himself.”  
  
  
  
Yixing racked his brains, trying to think of places that Kris might be. Even when they had been together, years ago, Kris had never liked to talk about his family As far as he knew, Kris’ parents could not stand each other, and Kris was often caught in the middle of their arguments. Still, Kris himself had loved both of his parents and had good relationships with both of them, separately.  
  
  
  
Yixing wondered how Kris had dealt with his mother’s death all by himself, and felt a pang of sympathy. It must have been hard on him.  
  
  
  
Then, Yixing knew. He knew, without a doubt, where Kris was spending the anniversary of his mother’s death.  
  
  
  
“I’m going to leave first,” Yixing croaked, bolting from the booth.  
  
  
  
Hailing the first cab at the end of street, Yixing directed the driver to the north side of town, where he and Kris, no, Yifan, had grown up. The tallest building in that neighborhood had withstood the test of time, and Yixing found it much unchanged. He took the elevator up to the eighth floor, and took the rest of the steps two at a time, doubling over at the top in order to catch his breath. He pushed the door to the roof open cautiously, and stepped back out into the chilly autumn air.  
  
  
  
Kris was sitting at the edge of the building, arms hooked over the railing, feet dangling. He was facing the front, and Yixing knew that he must have seen him coming. Quietly, Yixing took a seat next to Kris, just as he used to all those years ago.  
  
  
  
“Chanyeol told you, didn’t he…”  
  
  
  
It was a statement more than a question, and Yixing just nodded, silently.  
  
  
  
“Well, whatever he said, it’s not true. I’m not upset, and nothing is wrong.”  
  
  
  
Yixing hated the fact that Kris was hiding his true feelings from him, yet at the same time, understood why he would do such a thing. It wasn’t as if Yixing had been friendly or inviting in the past few weeks.  
  
  
  
“Stop being stubborn; it’s okay to show weakness,” Yixing replied, voice barely above a whisper.  
  
  
  
Kris looked over, eyes cloudy. “Your transfer procedures will be done by next week. You can go back to literature now,” he said, stiffly.  
  
  
  
Yixing took a slow breath, and looked away, avoiding his gaze. “I think I might ask to stay,” he replied evenly.  
  
  
  
“Why? Don’t you hate me?” Kris asked. “You did say that you would have quit if you had known who I was at the beginning.”  
  
  
  
Yixing thought over his words carefully, and shrugged. “I didn’t mean it.”  
  
  
  
“I love you, Yixing. I don’t know why it’s so hard for you to acknowledge that.”  
  
  
  
Yixing felt his heartbeat pick up, and he bit his lip, willing it to slow back down. Suddenly, Chanyeol’s words came back to him. _You were his everything._ Yixing wondered if, despite his own efforts, Kris had ever stopped being his everything. Even though he had forced himself to forget the handsome senior from the past, to move on and never look back, he knew that in the end, he was only fooling himself.  
  
  
  
“I’m afraid,” Yixing answered, finally. “I’m scared that I’ll fall again, too hard, too fast. I’m scared that I’m going to end up hurt all over again.”  
  
  
  
Kris paused, eyes lighting up with a hint of hope. “I would never hurt you, but I can’t bring myself to give up on you. I can never forget you, so I’ve stopped trying.”  
  
  
  
In Kris’ face, Yixing saw exhaustion. It seemed that Kris really was done fighting, and Yixing could not think of a single reason why he was still resisting the losing battle.  
  
  
  
“You know, they say that there’s no love like the first,” Yixing said, in slow, measured words. “I guess they were right, because I never forgot you either, Yifan.”  
  
  
  
For a moment, neither of them spoke. It was the first time Yixing had used Kris’ old name out loud, and the word seemed to hang over them, like a heavy cloud on a rainy day.  
  
  
  
Suddenly, Kris started, as if psyching himself up, and turned back to face Yixing. “Xing, does this mean -”  
  
  
  
“- yes,” Yixing replied, cutting him off before he could change his mind. “Yes, yes, _yes_.”  
  
  
  
Kris reached over, wrapping an arm around Yixing’s waist to draw him closer. “You have no idea how much I’ve missed you,” he whispered, burying his nose in Yixing’s shoulder.  
  
  
  
A shiver ran down Yixing spine, and he thought that yes, he did have an idea. Every bone in his body yearned for Kris’ touch and he melted, letting himself relax in Kris’ arms.  
  
  
  
“Can we just forget everything, all the misunderstandings, and start over?” Yixing asked softly. “Forget all the stupidity of adolescence, and just - love?”  
  
  
  
This time, it was Kris’ turn to say yes. “I’d like that,” he replied.  
  
  
  
Yixing watched, with amazement, as Kris’ normally stoic face broke out in a sincere smile. The corners of his lips twitched upward in response, and Kris closed the distance between their faces to drop a kiss on the dimple that had appeared on his cheek. Instead of letting him pull back, Yixing wrapped his hands around the collar of Kris’ shirt, keeping the taller man trapped against him.  
  
  
  
“I love you,” Yixing said, calmly. Sometimes, declarations of love need not be extravagant or coupled with a five course meal and fireworks. Although it had been years since the words had left Yixing’s mouth, he found that they flowed naturally, _as if that was how it was always meant to be_.  
  
  
  
With a low hum of satisfaction, Kris leaned over and planted his lips firmly on Yixing’s. The kiss was nostalgic, familiar, yet new and exciting at the same time. For Yixing, it was also bittersweet. After years and years of building that brick wall around his broken heart, all he had really wanted was for Kris to mend it and make it whole again.  
  
  
  
So, Yixing let himself fall.

**Author's Note:**

> Xuezhang - an older classmate/senior; kind of like “sunbae”  
> Kang Shi Fu - popular brand of ramen in China, or at least the one I grew up with  
> mangaka - a manga artist  
> Much Ado About Nothing - play by William Shakespeare; the entire plot revolves around a misunderstanding due to this asshat’s evil scheme  
> 1984 - novel by George Orwell  
> Xingxing - "star"; also a play off Yixing's name because the pinying is the same, even though the word is not


End file.
